Finding a comfortable gender role

From my text about healthy natural ways of living http://finnishskills.blogspot.fi/2015/11/healthy-ways-of-living.html

"173. If one tries to live according to a more sexual reputation than what one feels right and natural for oneself, one easily feels agitated and tired since the relationships and life do not work out as well as they should. So if one wants to be more sexual with roughly all of the opposite sex to get social contacts work out well, the sex roles are good for that, but one should not take whatever role or the most recommended role but instead find the one that is most natural for oneself, gives best life, is something that you easily fall into on free time, something from which you find good life and nice things to do that just you happent olike, so that you are active and in a good mood with a good spirit and so in associating with people momentarily or going to shops and such, maybe one third of the opposite sex makes you think "Oh a woman" or "Oh a man" somehow handsomely, charmingly, pleasantly and you get well along.
On the other hand if you search for how you yourself would be very sexual and charming, then living Life with a big L, while searching for better life according to the rule "Live and let others live" (see this blog's text about it and it's link), maybe brings such in those circles which you like, to which you want to anchor your life. #

Men's role and women's role - Or?

Men often assume that women have some things easier than men and that that depends on women having women's role. On the other hand men assume that men ought to have men's role and so men all the time take care of following men's wole.
But that is not so. The womne who look like having women's role, have all the time taken care of many things that the men do not take care of. So what the men suppose to be women's role is those cultivated things, and those haven't been cultivated just a little and only lately, but for years like one's dream job's skills and the like. One can learn skills by practising. Some skills are very difficult and demand other skills as support and an eager interest in the subject itself instead of seeking for social position or other benefits from practising it. Womanly skills are often such.
On the other hand men keep to the men's role. But that is not men's role. That is instead being social with and sticking to the ways, values and ways of thinking of some group of men, of some people who live in a certain way, so it is wanting to belong to a group and taking always or often care of the groups characteristical things even when it means neglecting other things.

But like with different professions, women do not have always all men's skills even if they appear to have some more advanced quality or skill. Like with often advanced skills, some act them or copy them without proper idea or without proper quality in everything and try to assume the role of the most skilled ones without being moral and skilled enough. 

Of women and men getting along

I think that the usua problem (in Finland) in women and men not getting along is that men tend to copy from other men ways of being with women and typically they copy from some man who is at least man like and and has done lots on women's things in man like ways. But different things ought to do in different ways. That is why different professions demand different talents and skills. Often those who do women's things in surely man like ways, which often is school like, are the men who are most distant from women's ways and values, since others would copy at least somewhat women like style, kind of fitting to the teasks at hand and to the atmosphere of doing such thi
The ways of doing women's thing are not found among those who do them most but among those who most like them, who most naturaly find it from themselves to do such. So they would correspond to learning new skills and talents on one's free time, like in my Finnish blog http://nopeaoppisuus.blogspot.fi in the beginning of the blog. And women like characteristics would come from the understanding of the value of noticing and taking into account atmospheres and feelings, see my Finnish blog http://pikakoulu.blogspot.fi , and enjoying for a change to get a chance to do also such, kind of to widen one's repertuaire of skills in use. Like maybe a man wearing a red shirt to get room for feelings and free time fun, would correspond to a woman wearing a non-worklike non-formal skirt.
What then would be the sides of men best closest to women? I guess that liking talking and being social, liking goiung to visit friends and having a cup of coffee with bread or the like. Liking children, time for everyday chores, music in the radio, having a pause for some repair work, talking with people of different areas of life, liking highlights, enjoying weathers, maybe travelling. Or? Kind of what men feel natural and nice but kind of in atmosphere and in some part of the content like women's ways and women's things done.
Women on the other hand would need room for sports without regard for looks, just for fun, like swimming, running, playing ball games, skiing etc. And for singing by oneself whole doing chores. Fro skill in making clothes that one likes for oneself, see in Finnish http://tunteetjatekemisentapa.blogspot.fi . Also some men's work like taking care of car and repair works with sturdy mivements and steady posture and some running steps in between.

Oh, and "Live and let orhers live!" of course solves problems iin who can affect what, see http://Finnsihskills.blogspot.fi in the beginning of the blog.

Endurancy or taking care of things

Boys are taught to reach for soldier's virtues. One of them is the ability to bear hardships. Girls are taught to take all into account and to take care that life in the society runs smoothly.
If one does something and gets disturbed by someone with something else to do, if one is doing things well, it is likely that one gets interrupted which is somewhat a burden, but if one does things sloppily and uses stupidity as an excuse, it is likely that one has plenty of time and one does not get disturbed at all. So reaching for endurancy often leads to sloppy, poor quality. While girls reaching for good quality leads to exhaustion and lack of freedom, which as a counter reaction lead to valuing feelings and taking others into account.

So cultural reasons like this can lead to big differencies in what women and men are like. But that does not mean that those reasons would not exist. No, the differencies exist, even if they for some part have a cultural and not necessarily biological background.

On the other hand, men sticking to more work like ways can on one hand be a consequence of poor quality leading to need of advices of others, and on the other hand it can be just a liking, a tendency to fit into another kind of role than women.

Since men like different kind of style, criterions, ways of doing, ways of being social and ways of living in the society and ways of living, men and women should not be considered alike. If some man wants woman like things, that is just hos personal opinion, not a reason to count him woman like, since he propably wants something very different from women. Likewise if some women like men's things, thye typically do it in different style, with a different level of skill and with different emphazies and different ways of living than men - and so they do not end up man like in their favourite job but choose something else instead: they naturally have the tendency to pick otherwise. And men too naturally have the tendency to pick a different style and different criterions with different levels of skills than women likewise saying that they are interested in the same kind of job.

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On the other hand, let's look at this from what I learned the men's point of view to be like when I studied men's profession that my parents happened to like but which I felt no inclination toward.

The men did not like their studies, They said here we are, we cannot help it, we did not like the studies and the hard work, so we tried to get away to the wide world, but we got returned back by our female aquiantages, so it was of no use, now we are stuck here, look at that guy too: the same with him, just impossible and without any real reason this all, things just don't make sense.

So what was the problem? The men had a view that women are a group that has uniform opinions, kind of adding all women's views together without regard on who was like what. They mixed evil women's deeds with the society's moral expectations, so as some evil woman came bang bang get back to your slave like position, they took it as an opinion supported by the society which it was not. They did not go to the police. They did not go to the studies bureau to choose from tens or hundreds of groups of academical professions, of their courses open to all to which one can continue to major in if one just studies them. They did not go to the work office where free working places of all kinds of professions are available and where one can get information on studies of all professions. Those would have been the official road to change profession, not dependent on the opinions of aquiantages or relatives etc.

Can a man be like a woman

Many wonder if the difference between the sexes is genetical or cultural, is it a question of upbringing or unavoidable, would men like to be treated like women or women like men?
In my experience much of the difference is in the upbringing but on the other hand, what a child or an adult graspes strongly in one's upbringing or what one continually refuses to grasp, maybe it is some strong liking, some fitting to a role and not fitting to another one, seem to be strongly dependent on whether one is a boy or a girl, regardless of how one was bought up. But most aren't exactly like the role they are given but would need more room for individual variation- which one often gets if one in a sexual affair reaches for an entirely different kind of role, one not so well allowed, and then agrees to some more distant version of one's own sexes roles, that one happens to like and learn to fit into.
Another question is can men learn women's skills or women men's? In Finland it seems to be that women can learn both women's and men's skills but men can learn only men's skills. If we examine closely, why men cannot learn women's skills as well as women, we may pay attention to transvestites. They are men who claim they want to learn to be like women. But typically they grasp men's role and manly identity, manly forefigures and clishes in how to be manlike, these they grasp all the time tightly, never giving them up. On the other hand trying to be like women they take like a school task or a crossword puzzle that does not touch their identity, they just somehow survive through it part of the time and the rest pf the time they forget that task. So they trying to be like women is in words only and their trying to be like men is in their identity, in their basic ways of doing all the time. Many men, Maby some 20% of men, I do not know how many but quite many anyway, tyr to drop away everything that is woman like, all skills of women, all womanly characteristics, so the customary men's role isn't neutral to whether one has women's skills but intentionally all the time at all costs tries to avoid women's characteristics. This is a major obstacle on the way of men learning women's skills well.

Are transvesittes the men who do not know that men are typically sexual with other men, like the men's role, style so much. But most men are, they say there is lots of that in the military service. And appears to be in relationships between men in everyday life: just enjoying the men's role and men's ways of living the veryday life. And are sovinist women the women who do not know that each person should have some individual amount of each sexes and each human type's characteristics instead of seeking fro them in others instead of in one's own way of living and one's own chores?
Women in my experience aren't so much on their own tracks in relationships with men. Typically the man just sits and talks while woman says "Couldn't we already go?" and she says that almost crying and soon angry, so much pain it is to be so far from one's own likings, own comfortable ways. In my experience women typically don't enjoy life as much as men, but women seem to enjoy music and singing, sports that they like, summer cottage life, getting to know different cultures that they happen to like, variation to daily life and the insights of others, things with good atmosphere.

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Typically (in Finland and in nearby countries) men aren't at all as skilled as women. Typical though it is, I think that it propably isn't inborn. It is just so that women typically all the time reach for highest skill possible and men on the other hand are concentrated on other matters like manly looks and social acceptabily, and so men typically think of some level of skill that it is enough and so they refuse to reach for highest quality all the time. One problem is that since women's looks and women's style is a consequence of high skill, those men who reach for high skill start to have similar characteristics like women, like for example caring many things to a good state quite effortlessly and sensitively. Another åroblem is that men all the time refer to other men and try to be like them, especially in looks, style, convincingness etc, and so they all the time tune their ways to the level of the not so skilled men, and so they feel comfortable with the not skilled ways and not with their own - such is common, also in relationships of adults and children.